another year passes by...

:(

Yeah well it had to happen, did it not!

I am unwell, a really bad throat infection and all my plans thrown out of the door

Round 1

Its been two weeks...

Except for drinking water part I haven't followed any of my resolutions :( But i do have some good news - I lost about one kg -
Also i have inculcated some good eating habits. I have a feeling this is more because of my drinking water part :)

Leaving behind...

Just the other day I had a fight with my parents and the worst thing was that I picked up the fight when our family friends were around. What started out as a well thought out logical rational line of thought being expressed in a matured and calm state of mind, turned into a heated argument and me behaving like an absolute child.

So… when I was reflecting on my foolishness and swearing at my non-existent control on my irrational verbose impulses, a thought came to my mind and it hit me with the impact of a speeding truck. The exact word to describe “the” insight is suspension…

I have been fighting with my parents for freedom. Me being able to go out, meet friends spend my time the way I want to spend it not fretting about being late, not answering the usual innumerable questions lined up. I don’t feel like a 24 year old… Hell I will be 25 in the next three weeks. To quote a friend, “give me credit for being a 24 year old”. (Yeah well it will be 25 when it will be 25, I am in no hurry). I have been asked to put my life on hold… they don’t want to come out and actually say it but I know… on hold till after I get married!!! Then I can do whatever I want to do.

But this is not about my fight, my incapacity to behave like a 24 year old nor about the feeling of being chained to a wall. It’s about my transgression… me doing exactly what I am accusing my parents of. I have been holding my life in a state of “suspension”… waiting… desperately seeking for something better to come along, rather than taking my life into my hands and doing exactly what I want to do with it. Its not that I know what it is I want to do with every minute of my life, but then I have no excuse to let go of my today in search of a better tomorrow. And at the end of it I felt frustrated with life, blaming everything but my own self for the aggravation I sense. I have said this before in a very different perspective – that I feel like my life is slipping away, and now what I realize is that I am letting it slip away.

And, as the thought settles in some corner of my mind, I feel suffocated; it’s difficult to breathe even. I quite honestly don’t know what I intend to about this awareness inside of me, but one thing is certain I won’t let this comprehension fade away.

Its that time of the year again...

Its December.... my favourite month of the year and it hs nothing to do with a certain date of the month. It just that I love everything about winter... yes I do know that I keep complaining about the weather being too cold, me freezing off my hands and feet. But I love snuggling under the blanket, wearing sweatshirts & jackets that keep me warm, looking out for the bit of sunlight to stand under, eating garam garam khaana, checking out sales, having barbecue parties and planning the new year party. In school and college the added charm were the winter vacations. But then even in the corporate worklife I experienced there was this spell of laziness and relaxation all around.

Hoping for some motivation....

November's come and almost gone.... Yet I haven't written anything, not that I don't have much to write. Had a lot of pent up frustration at work which I didn't want to crib about in this space. I think the situation is in control and I should be able to manage it just fine.

What I really want to write about is my constant struggle to be regular to the gym and my desire to shed that extra weight. Why????? Because I am hoping that writing this and posting it on the internet will bring about some pressure on me to be regular.

Okay, so my target - "to loose 5 Kgs in four - five weeks starting from today". Thats at least one kilogram a week (It sounds crazy to me)

Anyways, first things first -

• HAVE to drink 10 glasses of water every day
• Go to the gym 5 days a week
• No chocolates in these weeks
• No junk (especially fried stuff)

Hmm... will keep writing in about the progress. But yes, this does not mean that my blog posts for the next few days will only revolve around certain weighty issues...

Right then... I better go get my first glass of water for the day!!!

For seashells....

okay... I wanted to wait for this one... but I could not. The moment I saw this I was reminded of you [:P] and so I had to put it up

:)

It’s been a long break since I wrote something……

Was hoping that posting photographs would be enough, but then that’s not always possible is it? I feel like I am bursting with words and that I have so much to say but when I open my mouth I really have nothing to say.

This morning I really dint feel like coming to office but then I forced my self to. Now that I am here I realize that amount of work that has to be completed. Not that it’s a lot of work, but if I keep it pending it will pile up and then will drive me up the wall. Now that have all the work sorted out I feel like posting an entry so here I am busily tapping away on the key board!

So… as previously stated in my earlier post, I went for a training program in Mumbai. Now I will not divulge the details coz it then dilutes the interest of any person who is even remotely ready to attend a workshop of this kind. Also, it will be difficult for me to explain the procedure as it is quite abstract.

Apart from exploring my own feelings, I met some wonderful people and have made some great acquaintances. Each and every person taught me something. M has been through so much and yet she knows how to appreciate all the good things I her life and no matter what she goes through, she stays strong, V lives her life with so much dignity, I don’t think there was a single person out there who dint respect her. She is so content with her life and the people she shares her life with. D simply courageous was not afraid of saying what she wanted to say, R on the other hand is always smiling, and might I just add she is very pretty when she smiles. S had the most amazing personality, his eyes were full of laughter and hugging him made me feel like I was hugging a panda ;) Then there was SAT, he dint give up trying and he tried till he succeeded. Su and T (now blessed with another girl in his life – congratulations!!!) the way they go on with their daily life doing what is necessary, and the respect they have for the women in their lives is purely commendable. Dee was the craziest of the lot. Simply crazy, and when he would come up with his jokes he would have all of us splits, literally rolling over the floor. B just took all the negativity in his life and simple turned it into positive energy and a source of motivation to do better in life. And my favorite A, there is no one else I felt for more and his discomfort made me sad, but then when he hugged me in the end I felt like everything will be all right for all of us. I know that you do a great job and you find strength for it within yourself and I can only applaud as you go about your life. Last but not the least, SK and his ability to mold words into music J

I don’t know how much of what I saw I can implement in my life but then it’s a lot to absorb. I was able to face my worst fears and actually say them out loud!!! That without a doubt was a Herculean task. And it’s only because these people were willing to stand by my side and give me strength. (Absolute strangers who were willing to accept me for who I am without any judgment attached – it’s a luxury I could never experience – and now a treasure I will never forget) Even as I am writing this I can remember the last day of the workshop. I remember their smiling faces. I don’t think I can ever forget them.

p.s: for anyone who is interested - http://www.isabs.org/

Back from a five day trip that ended on a great high!

Wanted to share all my feelings... but if i start now... will never be able to reach office on time. Isilye abhi ke liye just putting up the pics.... the second dog in the pic is Rover... he was my favourite... i miss him soooo much

And so it goes on...

Have you ever thought it possible...

To have a miserable day...

To have survived the miserable day...

N then to go on to have an even worse night...

Basically the worst 24 hours you could have imagined...

I found out yesterday...

Yes...

It's possible.

Le voyage

As I walked on a cobbled path on an unknown road,
Little did I think,
Little did I wonder.
As I walked by the river,
Beyond yonder -
I still did not think,
Still did not wonder.
I trekked the wounded paths,
Stumbled through the woods,
Yet I persisted -
Yet I trampled on.
I tread the misty moors
I stepped along as the ocean lashed the rocks
Sand between my fingers -
Dawn through dusk

And I go on still
With steps that never slow down
With steps that never die down

Out and about...

I love the impromptu trips my family takes.... though this one wasnt so impromptu.. after atleast two failed attempts at getting up on a early sunday morning, we finally made this trip happen!!!

For you, With Love...

How is it so easy for a person to exist for a moment and then just stop existing the next?


Yes they stay on in our memories for ever but how do you comprehend the loss of a near one, who was there a moment ago and now is no longer with you?


How are you suppose to react when it comes at you like a bolt from the blue, from behind when you least expected?


How do you justify the loss of someone who has died so young?


When does it hit you and when does it sink in?

Up in smoke...

Last night I had a dream. And in the dream I smoked a Cigar (It was a very bizarre dream and I don’t remember any of the particulars)

What is it about them that makes people want to blow up their life in smoke???

Curiosity???

I know I was curious about cigarettes as a child. I loved watching the men puffing out smoke. It somehow felt like a very grownup thing to do. But as I grew up, fascination turned into disgust. I did once in a very stupid state of mind take a puff. And my friend A’s reaction said it all. After that I pretty much felt like kicking myself. I, who finds it difficult to stand in close vicinity to a person who has just smoked, actually smoked.

It is said that anything in moderation is okay, but the thing with cigarettes is, there is no moderation. It eventually turns out to be an addiction, no matter what one tries to do. And it’s only when things start to get out of hand, people realize the folly of their actions.

N yes!!! I do know that it’s a personal choice. What I do not agree with - is smoking in a public area. No one can disregard someone else’s life! There are some who even subject their unsuspecting families to passive smoking.

I have friends who smoke and there is nothing one can do or say to make them give up smoking, unless realization hits them like a speeding truck!

N there are those who argue that –“Who wants to live a long boring life?”

Well don’t you want to live a “healthy and fit life” even if it is short?

I don’t know what my dream represents – but I am sure it’s not some unconscious yearning for the unknown. And it’s not like I hope to achieve some noble cause by expressing my confusion. I only hope to clear it by maybe jotting down my thoughts.

Watching the sun go down...

Suspension...

Life has come to a standstill.

The sand just keeps slipping out of my hand and all I can do is

helplessly watch it steal away into the night.

Days gone past...

Days have passed by in a blur... i dint even know what was happening. So today when i finally had some time to myself i decided to recount the events of the past few weeks:

First things first - fountainhead turned one and might i say that it was an interesting year at that. The gone by 12 months have been extremely volatile for me. Have gone through so many emotions, some i dint even know existed in me. All in all its been a crazy year and by far the most exciting. Continuing on the blog front I also completed 25 successful blog entries, which by my standards is pretty good. I think overall i like the way they shaped out.

N yes its been a year since I have been to Leh n back n believe me the magic still lingers on. Waise there are plans in the offing for another trip next year.

Went to Nagarjunsagar last Sunday. Needless to say it was a lot of fun. Am soooo glad that uncle D is back, we get to do many more trips when he is around!!! Haven't got the pics yet though. Will put them up as soon as i get them.

Oh yes, how can i forget, Siraj got married!!! I enjoyed his wedding. Met up with a lot of friends and ate real good food (yummy).

Well apart from that work has been happening, n i am loving it....

Somethin I read...

Dont let someone become a priority in your life,

when you are just an option in their life...

Relationships work best when they are balanced.

*Source: pravsworld.com

At Last Shrugged...

Well this is not news as it happens… But news as and when it can be reported.

Last night at about 9 ‘o’ clock Me finally finished Atlas Shrugged (whoops of joy….). Me has struggled with her mind for I think more than a month in order to finish the book. But her determination gave away every time she got to the crux of the book – The JOHN GALT speech. After she was finished with the speech it took Me no time to finish the book.

The book is considered a classic, a literary masterpiece. Me believes it to be one of the best books she has ever read. The world and the characters Ayn Rand has created are both real and unreal at the same time. The world – well you have seen glimpses of it time and again and the characters – well… it’s the stuff you have read about in History books and sometimes in newspapers.

There will be more on the book in the coming issues.

On the other front related with the book, claim has been laid for the book - the claimant may collect the book, whenever convenient for him. The book will lie in wait for its next connoisseur.

This is I reporting from Karimnagar for Fountainhead… I will now sign over to Hyderabad.

Weekly Diaries

Had a crazy week at work and seems like the insanity will continue in to the next week as well n then the next week tooo.....

Missed one French class in the week.... n am extremely paranoid about the fact that I will be missing another four classes......

Still havn't finished Atlas Shrugged and even the thought of it makes me cringe with a lot of guilt....

Bought a gift for a friend n I think he liked it.....

Watched Bheja Fry at home.... a really nice movie (have to wach the original though) .....

Spoke to a few freinds after quite a long time....

N finally got my phone plan changed (phew!!!!)

N there is still a day to go in the week.......

Mes amis!!!!

My Crazyyyyyyy friends!!!!! I love them to bits..... they make me miserable by teasing me mercilessly but if it were'nt for them life would have been reaaaaaallly boring!!!!!

Another Day....

Well... had a good start today... went to the gym - needless to say after a long time. N it felt amazing. N then decided to start working again (I am soooooooooo happy). Will be joining the new organisation on Monday...

I am taking up something that i always wanted to do and am very excited about it. At the same time am alil nervous about how i will fare. Feel like I have a direction now. The distant horizon is a little foggy but then, dont all the fresh clear days start of with mist n dew...

N thus the wise owl said....

Finally!!! The pics of the owl I had talked about. The only thing is that, the other day I saw two of them. One is quite shy, it flies away the moment it notices the slightest of movement on our part. The other is the bold one as you can see from the pics...

Also had friends over for dinner on saturday, i cooked and toiled in the kitchen (with a lil help from mom n sim) but in the end it was all worth it (he he)

Spotted!!!

Well... I made a decision that I would not post another entry till I finished Atlas Shrugged... but then I dont think I will be finishing it anytime soon... I have reached the mental block where in I am unable to read more than three pages at a time (sigh...)

There are just about another 150 pages to go... hopefully I will be done soon.

Actually I decided to post this entry after I spotted an owl on the Mango tree near my bedroom window... I have the pics but am unable to find them... Will post them ASAP

It finally happened!!!

Every year, at the start of summer I wait for something to happen....

N this year was no exception... I was waiting to get up to the sound of a "Koel" cooing in the morning. Well it was not exactly morning, but today while watering the plants in the evening I did hear a koel singing :)

So finally summer's happened to me....

Treasure Island...

I've learned that all a person has in life is family and friends. If you lose those, you have nothing, so friends are to be treasured more than anything else in the world.

Trey Parker and Matt Stone, South Park, Prehistoric Ice Man, 1999

Two weeks back I met a friend of mine, T, after four years. We had not spoken to each other much during that gap. We exchanged a few scraps on Orkut and even fewer e-mails and I think we spoke on the phone twice!!! And yet when I met her I was extremely happy to see her and it took us just about the whole afternoon to come out with all the significant and insignificant details of our lives in those few hours. We have known each other for over 20 years now!!! We were never the best of friends. We even fought so many times and over so many things. There was a time when we were barely on speaking terms with each other. But then all these bitter sweet memories have made our relationship stronger than ever.

Besides T there are other two girls whom I have known as long as I have known her. Again, we have never been the best of friends. We grew up together, studied in the same school and were part of the same family circle. I think as long as we were in school our identities were tied to each other. Then as we grew up, we did different things. We made different friends. Friends we chose for our selves because of the similarities we shared. I cherish the new friendships that have come my way. A few of them have significantly changed my life and have made me the person I am today and for that I am grateful.

But these three girls whom I am talking about are different and always will be. With them I share a bond. It’s like when u walk down a road in a strange land with strange people around, anything that is even vaguely familiar would bring a smile to your face and make you at ease. This is what I share with them. As I said we may not all be best of friends, there may not be a lot in common between us, but it is what we have shared that makes the bond so special. And what we have shared together is the most essential of all the experiences in our life – Our Childhood.

Solitary Reaper...

In the perfect world, I would have been a free person. Free of any obligations to others, free from pursuing goals and objectives set for me by others and free from acting out of pre-set and pre-conditioned boundaries.

But alas, its not a perfect world out there and the truth is that more you try to alienate your self to be able to set out on that path of “freedom” there is someone all ready to pull you back into the vortex.

The whole point being, when you do those things you do, you begin to expect and that’s where everything goes wrong. (At least for me it does) I want to live a life free of expectations. I thought that I had to a certain extent freed myself from any expectations from others and believe me I have to quite an extent, but then I find that, that extent does not help me from being less hurt. I still feel hurt.

The whole thing makes me feel so stupid sometimes and then the final thought that enters my mind before I go to sleep is – “I should have known better”.

My Garden

* Pics Courtesy: Sirajuddin Ahmed and Sony Ericsson K750i

For more, please visit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/craagz/

As days go by...

Well have been planning on writing since the day before yesterday and haven't been able to.

Did not go to the gym on any of the gone by days in the week :(

Did make significant progress in Atlas Shrugged (am giving myself a deserved pat on the back for that one)

Did cook dinner one night, actually have to cook tonight too

Did see a movie yesterday with a friend and met up with two most annoying people i know (who can also be sweet IF they want to)

Actually considering that half of the week is yet to go, me happy with the way things are going

Who is John Galt?!?!?!

Ever tried reading a book that holds your attention for as long as it wants and then once you take a break you are unable to get back to the book… that’s exactly what is happening to me. Have been trying to read this publication of the author for over 7 months now. Had finished about two parts of the book and then had stopped. It took me 3 months to pick up the book again and when I did I had to start all over again. And I came to the exact same point in the book and I had to take a break (not intentional though) Its been a fortnight since that happened and I haven’t been able to go beyond a single page after that…

Its not that I don’t have the time… I actually have all the time in the world, but it is still happening. I love the way Ayn Rand has etched the character of Daggny Taggart. She is strong willed – many a times stubborn, sure of her self (cocky would have the word), liberated for a woman in her times but at the same time very naïve about the world and its ways (at least she is now lets see what happens at the end of the book). She reminds me of another favorite fictional sketch – Scarlett O’ Hara. She is pretty much similar to the character of Daggny. That’s motivation enough for me to pick up the book… then why???????????

I mean going to the gym is easier than reading the book right now and believe me that’s a huge thing to do… (Going to the gym I mean) Oh yes on that note I am going to the gym regularly and if I don’t face any unfortunate series of events I should be able to say the same at the end of next week too (he he he)

Now diverting from the issue at hand, I found out today that I have another avid reader of my blog – actually who am I kidding – to quote his exact words he sometimes reads my blog (that’s good enough for me). N yes wanted to say thank you to the others who have read my blog and commented (am talking about people I don’t know) I found these comments so late that I dint know if I should reply to them or not – so anyways thank you.

Some more of my favourite pics :)