So... here I am, back to square one, trying to figure out life and where I intend to go from here. I don't say that the last two years were not worth it... in fact not at all. I have loved teaching, had a lot of fun! But more than the job giving me professional satisfaction, it gave me stability in my personal life. Our marriage had a shaky start especially because I was not working. It was the other end of the spectrum for me, moving away, new place and new people. Don't want to go into that because that's another story altogether. The job gave me a sense of being worth something. Knowing that, yes, people can hire me and I can contribute to an organisation and get paid well for it.
Being 30 and not knowing where life is headed is kind of scary. And I realise that it is very easy at this phase for me to get paralysed with fear. I have a lot of questions... Will I be able to contribute financially to our home? Will I be able to find something that I like? What if the next thing I take up also ends up being what I don't wan to do in life or something that I am not ready for yet? But the scariest question being what if I never figure out what I want to do in life?!?!?!
All pertinent questions and all of them are right there.... hanging.... nope suspended.... above my head, waiting to crash all over my head! I can see them even now.
But! (And thank God! for the but!) I refuse to get bogged down. I know why these questions are there... suspended.... above my head.... Its because that is what we have seen our parents do! Get a job, stick to that job and build a life for themselves. Sometimes they end up in love with their job and at times it remains that... a job.
I don't want that. I don't want to take that chance.
This brings me to the second social conditioning... if you change so many jobs what will you end up as. And in my case its not just companies that I have changed... but with every company I have chosen a different profession... Jack of all trades and master of none. So where do you go...
No, I don't prescribe to the idea that I was meant to do one thing and one thing only! I want to try different things in life. There are so many avenues and I would like to take them all, may be not all... but as many as I possibly can.
I want to write, cook good food, click beautiful pictures and travel the world... so many things that need to be done.
Perhaps this is what I should do... welcome the new lease in my life... I am excited, I want to see where I go from here... Where will I be a year from now!
I am going to stop for life to happen to me, I need to make me happen to life!
2 comments:
Well, I can suggest a few you are good at:
1. Counselling
2. Listening to people - my Agony aunt remember. :)
3. Photography - If the pics on your blog have been taken by you
4. Good food - But then I hadn't tasted your food in a loooong time. 6-7 yrs !!
And then, what has transcribed in our parents life, has made us aware of what to watch out for. Also, we are more able-minded with more oppurtunities available now. That was then, and this is now.
Also, you need not look too far away for inspiration... just look into Bangalore :)
If Adi is reading this.. Its u dude. Really applaud the step you guys had taken.
I dont have the guts for that decision.... Yet :)
Cheers to Adi.
N thankyou RK for the vote of confidence... really need it at this point in time :)
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