mine and thine...

For better or for worse… in sickness and in health… for richer or for poor…

It’s easy to recall these vows than the ones I made to my husband in our wedding! Honestly I feel that these vows are easier to remember and keep in my life. However, when it comes to the actual vows I made to my husband at our wedding… it’s another story altogether!

One of the promises the boy makes to the girl in a North Indian Hindu wedding ceremony is to disclose all matters financial to his would be wife. He also promises to declare any and all of his investment decisions to her and also that he will only implement with her consent. To think about it, these ancient customs and rituals make so much sense and have been so practical and still are to this date!

And to come to why I am writing about all of this, as I have already mentioned above, the wedding vows that I never made are so much easier to follow. Does not matter, what life has handed to us in past two and a half years, the good, the bad and the ugly… I have had no qualms in facing these situations standing beside P. A financial crisis or not, the fact that I am with him has made everything worth it. Whenever any one of us has fallen sick the other has taken care… n I can tell you the small trifling colds are the ones that can cause major havoc in a marriage… the irritation, horrible temperament, drug (read cough syrups) induced haze in which just about anything can be blabbered….

I have been through all of this with him and all of it is something I have been able to handle. To be able to help P decide on investments is doable. To make him splurge once in a while and indulge my shopping sprees is also okay (not easy though, I always have a guilty conscience after that). And yet, to consider this money as ‘our’ money and not ‘his’ money has always been the challenge.

This has especially been difficult because I was a working girl ever since I finished my MBA until I got married. We moved to a new city, a new environment and away from almost everything I knew. Added to that the fact that I wasn’t earning consistently, it became even more difficult for me to consider this money as ‘our’ money.

Now that I will soon start my new job and I will be earning, whenever I plan for the future, I see this money as ‘our’ money and not my money. So why does it not translate in his case. I think I understand P’s indignation when I honestly tell him that I am unable to accept the fact that his money is ‘our’ money, but neither can I force this comprehension. I am hoping, now that I will be able to contribute financially to our lives, maybe I will be able to change my perception.

For now I guess he will have to be satisfied with everything else I consider ‘ours’ and not just his or mine.