another year passes by...

:(

Yeah well it had to happen, did it not!

I am unwell, a really bad throat infection and all my plans thrown out of the door

Round 1

Its been two weeks...

Except for drinking water part I haven't followed any of my resolutions :( But i do have some good news - I lost about one kg -
Also i have inculcated some good eating habits. I have a feeling this is more because of my drinking water part :)

Leaving behind...

Just the other day I had a fight with my parents and the worst thing was that I picked up the fight when our family friends were around. What started out as a well thought out logical rational line of thought being expressed in a matured and calm state of mind, turned into a heated argument and me behaving like an absolute child.

So… when I was reflecting on my foolishness and swearing at my non-existent control on my irrational verbose impulses, a thought came to my mind and it hit me with the impact of a speeding truck. The exact word to describe “the” insight is suspension…

I have been fighting with my parents for freedom. Me being able to go out, meet friends spend my time the way I want to spend it not fretting about being late, not answering the usual innumerable questions lined up. I don’t feel like a 24 year old… Hell I will be 25 in the next three weeks. To quote a friend, “give me credit for being a 24 year old”. (Yeah well it will be 25 when it will be 25, I am in no hurry). I have been asked to put my life on hold… they don’t want to come out and actually say it but I know… on hold till after I get married!!! Then I can do whatever I want to do.

But this is not about my fight, my incapacity to behave like a 24 year old nor about the feeling of being chained to a wall. It’s about my transgression… me doing exactly what I am accusing my parents of. I have been holding my life in a state of “suspension”… waiting… desperately seeking for something better to come along, rather than taking my life into my hands and doing exactly what I want to do with it. Its not that I know what it is I want to do with every minute of my life, but then I have no excuse to let go of my today in search of a better tomorrow. And at the end of it I felt frustrated with life, blaming everything but my own self for the aggravation I sense. I have said this before in a very different perspective – that I feel like my life is slipping away, and now what I realize is that I am letting it slip away.

And, as the thought settles in some corner of my mind, I feel suffocated; it’s difficult to breathe even. I quite honestly don’t know what I intend to about this awareness inside of me, but one thing is certain I won’t let this comprehension fade away.

Its that time of the year again...

Its December.... my favourite month of the year and it hs nothing to do with a certain date of the month. It just that I love everything about winter... yes I do know that I keep complaining about the weather being too cold, me freezing off my hands and feet. But I love snuggling under the blanket, wearing sweatshirts & jackets that keep me warm, looking out for the bit of sunlight to stand under, eating garam garam khaana, checking out sales, having barbecue parties and planning the new year party. In school and college the added charm were the winter vacations. But then even in the corporate worklife I experienced there was this spell of laziness and relaxation all around.