The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog

What on earth has made me so lazy???

Is it true that when we have all the time in the world we end up doing absolutely nothing with our lives? Nah it's not a question, rather it is a statement that defines my life!

I have had two years of time... time that I think I have absolutely wasted... I am at home on most days and yet cant stand the word a housewife!!! Gives me the creeps even as I am writing it down.

So what did I do???

I took on a few assignments here and there, in this space of two years and told everyone I am a freelance consultant... and yet I know that these projects were not enough and I should have done more!

And yes I also realise the futility of venting about time that has passed and yet I don't think I have really come to terms with the sheer waste of my life in the last two years. As I write all of this down I have a lot of thoughts speeding through my head and I feel extremely restless...

Actually all of this takes me back to December 2010... I don't think I have really come to terms with all that I had realised about my self, but at the same time I do see some changes in me.

There is so much to do and soon I wont have the time and yet something tells me that this will be the time when I actually start doing things for myself that me will appreciate...

Okay so here I am... back home after a week of travelling. In this week I fell ill... had a fever; a bad throat and weakness. Now despite this I was excited and nervous about the training program we were about to conduct.

It would be a real test of my capabilities of being able design a training program. Was so scared of the whole thing blowing up in my face.... The first day was quite a disaster according to me. Our lack of coordination was obvious ( maybe it was not that obvious to the participants, but to me it was). However it was from the second day that the workshop came alive. The efforts that the participants put in was amazing, they seemed to be enjoying almost every minute of the program.

I had put in a lot of activities and was scared that they may object to them saying that these activities were for children, but they took on the activities with high energy level and enthusiasm.

On the whole I am satisfied with the way things went. We were flexible enough to make changes as and when we required. That helped quite a bit.

The program requires a lot of work and fine tuning, and I am looking forward to making it better :D

utra utra mausam dhalke... palkon mein

katra katra pilun aa is pal ko... main

suraj ke kuch boondhe tapke hai peshane pe

sargoshi kudh se karti hu main hairani mein

yahi meri zindagi hai, zindagi hai zindagi, zindagi

One of my favorite songs from Dev D... I love almost all the songs of the movie. But, there is something about this song that appeals to me a lot. I think I relate the life I am living today with this song. Even as I write this post... I am listening to the song and it gives me goosebumps. It's an instant lift me up song. Am trying not to smile (coz am at work). But if it were up to me I would be singing loudly (bah... have a horrible cold and a really bad throat) i cudnt sing even if i wanted too.... sargoshi khud se karti hu main hairani mein, yahi meri zindagi hai, zindagi hai zindagi...

main mere.. pal mere din jaise ho

chand shab shakhe ek shajar pe khili

Ooo.. hai maine (sab sapne rang da le)

jee bharke (dil mein leke ujale)

khil khilake main tho ud chali

Ooo...

Kudrath muskurathi hai meri nadani pe

The second part of the song takes me back a few years... when I really felt like a free, wild spirit. Its another thing that those times brought me a lot of pain... but I think they shaped me into the person that I am today and this is for sure that today... as of this moment I don't regret any decision I have ever taken.... there are no what ifs for me :)