Bullies

I am angry... Angry at myself and angry at what the world has come to today. I hate reading news, hate being on facebook, hate watching mindless television. All around me I see thoughts and ideas that are beyond any comprehension.

Whatever happened to just being nice.... I thought growing up the biggest lesson to learn was to be a good human being. Don't parents still teach their children that, 'the most important thing is to be a good person when you grow up'. And all I see is anger, hatred, small mindedness, irrationality from grown ups! What kind of behaviour are we modeling for our children and what kind of a legacy are we leaving behind?

People love flaunting their opinions and today anyone has a platform to voice their thoughts to the whole world... which is great in someways, but when people use this platform to 'shout' their misconceptions, flaunt their flawed ideas of what people are like.... Who gets to stop them? I read all the filth that is out there and I want to reply, but then I shy away thinking what if the person turns on me? How will I be able to handle all that negativity if it is directed at me... And I admit I am scared, but I am also angry at how I don't have a thick skin to take on the big bad world. 

I was bullied when I was a child... Just that I did not realise until a lot later that I was bullied. It scarred me for life I think and here I stand today still scared of bullies and I really don't know how to stand up to them. So, here I am posting on a blog that no one really reads... hoping to let go of some of the anger that I feel, hoping that the fear will be replaced by a little bit of courage (although I have no clue how). 

Still hoping for a better world....

Good good day....

I am feeling good today... I ended up taking a really long break! The problem is once there is a break it is difficult to start again... So I decided to bite the bullet and start running. 

I used a different app today because the other one we were using is available only on Apple devices... So I decided to use couch to 10k app today. It started off fine. Today I had to run for 90 seconds and walk 2 minutes for a total of 30 minutes. The first two rounds went fine... N then I started to huff and puff. That's when I realised that I was breathing with my mouth. I remembered that P says breathe in every 3 steps and breathe out every three steps... After that I did fine... In the third round of running/ jogging, the back of my legs, the area between the calf and the ankle started hurting... And I know there is nothing I can do about it except making sure that I have a good warm up and cool down routine. After I finished the run I met a friend and his dog... so sat down and talked to them for a few minutes before heading home... 

Listening to music helps me when I am running and also I realised it puts me in a really good mood... I came back home happy and energetic... I had energy to run around the table and play with Shelby, something I had stopped doing altogether in the last few days. Felt good to spend time with her... I also danced a bit with her.... It felt good to have that energy. For breakfast I decided to have boiled eggs and mango shake... but the mango shake was so heavy that I could not eat the eggs. Planning to have an egg salad for lunch... I think I will blog my recipe :D

So yeah... here's to a good day!

August... Here I Come...

So thought of an update with regards to my journey on being a fitter healthier person... I realised that I don't do very well without a concrete goal in mind and a lot of motivation. Unfortunately for me, my motivation for exercising does not come from within, it is all extrinsic. I need people in my life to motivate me... N mind you I am not talking about the negative kind of motivation, that just puts me down. It has to be the supportive, understanding kind. Yes, I know it is a lot to ask... from anyone really. Cause I can get quite nasty when I feel I am being pushed in to a corner or when I think I am not getting the kind of support that I need.

Anyways, so for the concrete goal, I chose (actually not just me, but it's a friend, her hubby n my hubby too) to run a 10K in August. So this friend of mine... M n I are training with the help of an App. I don't know the name of the App right now. Will look it up and post it here. And the good news is that we are on week 2. Though I must say, today was killing! I have no idea how I completed the training. I think I was dying little by little. My breathing definitely needs to improve for me to do better. In comparision week 1 seems easy... I feel good though.

Now the main problem that I am facing is that I am at home all day long and I cannot help but snack. And I don't just snack... I eat unhealthy stuff. Today was really bad in that department. But I also know the problem. I did not have breakfast today. And I was really hungry by 10:30. I ended up having my lunch at the time. And from then on I kept eating what ever I could find Its 6:45 pm right now and I feel like throwing up. I ate too much. I think I am also realising that sugar isn't great for me. I eat sugary stuff and then an hour later I feel nauseated and I feel very heavy. It is not a good feeling at all. I need to ensure that I have more fruits at home on a daily basis and most importantly have a decent breakfast on time every morning in order to set the right tone for the rest of the day.

The other thing I thought I needed for this plan to work for me is to have some sort of an external support system (seriously aren't I enough???). But I realise that I cannot always count on others to be there for me. Although I have to say that M is a great support, she and I have been struggling with our weight for  sometime now and for different reasons. But she is there whole heartedly for me and I hope to be a similar support system for her. We motivate each other. Apart from her, I need to work on motivating myself and being there for myself. I don't think anyone else can be there for me as much as I can for myself. What do you think?